"I Don't Care"

Let me start by saying..I DO care! In fact, I care so much that I tend to take things to heart that I shouldn't. Like, for example, when a student...who I've spent almost all year working on, looks me dead in the eyes and says "I don't care!" I think it's a natural thing to go into that fight or flight mode when you hear that. You tend to think one of two things.."SERIOUSLY?? Well fine then...you don't care? Well I don't care either...so there!" (yes, we've all digressed to a 7 year old at some point or another) OR "Oh really..I'll make you care. You can go sit in the office for 7 hours until you CARE!" (At your breaking point...)

Unfortunately, this is a saying that I've heard as a teacher who teaches in a very high-poverty school where many of my students have developed this default phrase as their number one defense mechanism. Thankfully, I've learned the power of building relationships and trust with them so I don't hear it all too often.

However, when I do hear it, I tend to immediately run the gamete of "What did I do wrong?" "How could they not care when I spent over 3 hours this weekend putting this really cool lesson together?" and "But I care SO much about you! Don't you see that?"

I very frequently found myself taking their negative behavior and hurtful words very personally. (Hi my name is Natalie and I have very thin skin. "Hi, Natalie.") However, when I recently read a chapter on classroom management written by Robert Marzano he spoke about the importance of having an appropriate mental set in order to effectively manage. One aspect of your mental set is that of emotional objectivity: "the ability to address disciplinary issues in an 'unemotional, matter-of-fact manner'...carrying out the various aspects of classroom management without becoming emotionally involved or personalizing students' actions."

I suck at this. Pardon my French. But I do.

I love my job, and my students, so much that I emotionally invest to the point that I take things personally when I really shouldn't. After reading that article I set myself a new year's resolution not to worry so much! To learn to let things slide of my back and not think too deeply about it. Then, as if it were a sign from above, one of my grad school cohort members presented our group with an article about working with students when they "don't care." This article  provides three positive strategies that help work with students who seem disengaged: get to know your students, take time to talk to students and don't take student antagonism and inaction personally. Since this is my resolution, I chose to focus and reflect mostly on strategy #3. The author highlights a teacher reflecting on one of her disengaged students: "The less I take their immature behavior personally the more engaged I am. I'm realizing that their behavior is much more about their own lives, trials and tribulations that it is about me."

With this in mind, my goal upon returning to my classroom after maternity leave is to step back and take a breath before making an emotionally charged judgement or rationalization. I'll do this because I do care, about them and about myself, and by keeping my emotions in check I'll be doing us all a favor!